Birdsong

Today was Monday. And usually Mondays in February are pretty rough and dreary days. This year, however, Mother Nature has decided to bless us with a taste of spring.

As I was walking across campus today I stopped and looked up for a minute at the birds flitting from tree to tree, and making the happiest sort of music. They felt springtime too.

I smiled to myself because birds are pleasant animals to hear, and I noticed that everyone walking by me had headphones in. I wanted to tug on their jackets and tell them that the song the birds were creating was more awe-inspiring than whatever was in their earbuds, but I didn't. I figured it wouldn't be appreciated.

But I had the accompaniment of birdsong on my walk home, and the clouds were splitting into a thousand rays of light and I decided that today was an incredible day.

Today, in February, we experienced spring. And you know? I'm so glad we did.

The French Phenomenon

Last night I was talking to a friend and she mentioned something about everyone having a pie chart. She was talking specifically about love interests, but I think her theory applies broadly to all areas of life. Everyone has a pie chart, and that pie chart is constantly changing so that certain areas that were nearly monopolizing your thoughts yesterday are eclipsed by something entirely different today.

This week I've felt that my pie chart is all out of whack. I should be focusing on school and books and I should be internalizing all my learning so I can remember and apply it forever and ever. But that's not how it's been. Instead I've been focused on being tired and wanting to sleep and read and watch movies and go hiking and do anything that doesn't involve school. Actually that's not entirely true. I really love learning and I love my major. I just don't want to have anything to do with my French class. I've tried adopting the somewhat childish mentality that, if I just ignore it, it'll go away, but that hasn't been the case at all.

In fact, quite the opposite has happened and, in spite of all the other things floating around in my mind, I have the black cloud of French floating around, reminding me that it's there. It's very distracting, you know. And I try to brush it away, but it's a cloud and so I just stir it around a bit and it remains, ever-present.

I was talking to my mom about this class shortly after sitting down after one of the readings where I realized that I hadn't understood anything and I told her that I don't think I'm quite cut out for this. She told me that that's how I know I'm really in college and that I'm really doing something that will help me. I suppose she's right because growth is never comfortable, but I really need to figure out a better strategy soon. Because I have a test tomorrow and I would really prefer not to fail.




Also, I was looking for an image of a black cloud that I liked on the Internet and this pulled up and I thought it was pretty. So it's completely unrelated to the above post, but enjoy it nonetheless. Or enjoy it because of its random placement. I don't really mind either way.

Chips and Salsa

Chips and salsa is one of my favorite things in the whole world. If you were to ask me if I wanted to go get pasta or chips and salsa I would choose the latter (which is saying a lot because pasta is my favorite meal ever). If you asked me if I would prefer cupcakes or chips and salsa, I would absolutely choose chips and salsa. If you were to ask me if I would rather have ice cream or chips and salsa-- Actually that's too hard of a choice. I would choose both.

Anyways. Chips and salsa, my friends. It is the most wonderful combination there ever was. I always want it. If you replace "tacos, enchiladas, and beans" with chips and salsa in this song you would pretty much understand my feelings.

I made salsa last night and I ate it as soon as I came home from school. The chips were so broken up that it was tough using them as a means of getting salsa into my mouth. So I made chips and salsa "cereal" and I ate it with a spoon. If you are also a salsa-lover and have not yet tried this I wholeheartedly recommend it. Or just get chips and salsa as soon as possible and enjoy them in the conventional way. Either way, partake of the happiness. Because, really, that's what it is.

The Most Wonderful of Fridays

Today was the most wonderful of Fridays.

Nothing big and remarkable happened except for the fact that it was Friday, I was able to talk to some of my favorite people on the earth, the lighting was perfect for the photos I took in my mind, I made brownies, I cleaned, and listened to the the entirety of the Into the Woods soundtrack, and I smiled. I laughed, and I lived.

In a movie I saw someone pointed out the difference between living and simply not dying. That's an important distinction. Living requires noticing. Living is when you notice the way the sunlight catches on the frost in the morning and makes the asphalt look like stars. Living is dancing in the kitchen with your family to whatever music happens to be playing at the time. It's bedtime and reading your favorite childhood stories to your little sister. Living is when you smile at nothing and laugh because you're happy. Living is sharing with friends. Living is a beautiful thing.

100 Words: An Identity

My life is a library and everything in it a story hoping to be shared. Some are recited frequently and cannot yet imagine dust. Others are parts of a series that, like the almanac, create a beautiful display. And then there are the tomes lurking in a corner long forgotten; words buried beneath the dust of many years. They are as old as I am. But my library took the care to save them and one day I’ll discover why. For now I will wander down the aisles and breathe in pages heavy with ink. Worlds dance beneath my fingertips.

There is something simultaneously thrilling and sacred that accompanies walking into a library. There is a measure of reverence called for as you wander the aisles of people's souls. Because, really, books capture a person in a way nothing else can. It is through books that people discover themselves and then they put that self in binding and place it on the shelf for the world to read. They take a risk, and (pretty often) it pays off. That, I believe, requires, if not reverence, then at least appreciation. Books are the lives of people we can only come to know by the reading of them. Exhilarating thought, isn't it? I think so. SO. If you need me, I'll be in the library.

Trust

My little brother is serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints right now and he sends e-mails every week letting us know what's going on over there. Today I read his letter from earlier this week (I guess I somehow missed reading it before now) and there was a part that jumped out to me (and maybe I just needed to read this now instead of earlier this week based on what's happened). He said, "On page 120 of Preach my Gospel under Humility, there's a line that says: '[When you have faith in Christ] you are confident that you can do whatever the Lord requires of you if you rely on him.' Next to that highlighted line, she wrote 'When I am nervous or worried about something, I realize that I am trusting in myself when I should be trusting in God. That is pride!'"

I'm really good at worrying. I don't like not knowing how things are going to happen and I hate not knowing how people will react. It's how I've always been. I should probably work on that.

Anyways, there is a lot of change happening right now: it's a new year, it's a new semester, I'm working different hours, and taking different courses. I'm saving every penny I own so I can meet payment deadlines for my study abroad program (that's another story entirely), and friends have started coming home from their missions all at once.

Suddenly the people I've missed but have grown used to not seeing are back and I recognize how much we've all grown, and I can see how distinctly our individual experiences shaped us. And suddenly I find myself meeting them again. It often feels like I'm starting over but with the same people. It's weird. Good, but weird.

Well with everything that's been changing I've found myself worrying over anything and everything that's not staying the same/familiar. I've been stressing myself out over things that I have no power to change and honestly wouldn't want to change (because Heavenly Father knows the best way to make things turn out wonderfully). And it all comes back to pride.

Pride is a funny thing. It's debilitating and sneaky and hard to shake. But I believe the way to get rid of pride is through faith. It is through faith in Christ and Heavenly Father that we are able to humble ourselves. It is through faith that, like we read in the hymn Lead Kindly Light, one step becomes enough for us.

Heavenly Father truly does know what He's doing. If He prompts us to do something with our life and we rely on Him we will not fail. And that,my friends, that is faith.

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

-Helaman 5:12

The Magic of Words

This semester I took a creative writing class. When I signed up for it I didn't know exactly what to expect, because the only experience I'd had with a creative writing class was in high school where we watched Twilight Zone and when I wrote villanelles during lunch on the days they were due, and I hated it. But I decided to take a creative writing class.

I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I didn't realize that, deep down, writing is what I want to do, that authorship is the lens through which I want to see the world. I don't need to write anything groundbreaking, but I do need to write. And I want, more than anything, to be able to write well.

Last night I was able to read pieces by some of my classmates and I recognized the power words have over everything. I learned what it looks like to listen to silence, and I found myself in the kitchen dancing through heartache and I realized that that's what I want to be able to accomplish someday. So I'll keep writing and I'll let you know what happens. Hopefully I'll be figuring it out right along with you.