The Most Wonderful of Fridays

Today was the most wonderful of Fridays.

Nothing big and remarkable happened except for the fact that it was Friday, I was able to talk to some of my favorite people on the earth, the lighting was perfect for the photos I took in my mind, I made brownies, I cleaned, and listened to the the entirety of the Into the Woods soundtrack, and I smiled. I laughed, and I lived.

In a movie I saw someone pointed out the difference between living and simply not dying. That's an important distinction. Living requires noticing. Living is when you notice the way the sunlight catches on the frost in the morning and makes the asphalt look like stars. Living is dancing in the kitchen with your family to whatever music happens to be playing at the time. It's bedtime and reading your favorite childhood stories to your little sister. Living is when you smile at nothing and laugh because you're happy. Living is sharing with friends. Living is a beautiful thing.

100 Words: An Identity

My life is a library and everything in it a story hoping to be shared. Some are recited frequently and cannot yet imagine dust. Others are parts of a series that, like the almanac, create a beautiful display. And then there are the tomes lurking in a corner long forgotten; words buried beneath the dust of many years. They are as old as I am. But my library took the care to save them and one day I’ll discover why. For now I will wander down the aisles and breathe in pages heavy with ink. Worlds dance beneath my fingertips.

There is something simultaneously thrilling and sacred that accompanies walking into a library. There is a measure of reverence called for as you wander the aisles of people's souls. Because, really, books capture a person in a way nothing else can. It is through books that people discover themselves and then they put that self in binding and place it on the shelf for the world to read. They take a risk, and (pretty often) it pays off. That, I believe, requires, if not reverence, then at least appreciation. Books are the lives of people we can only come to know by the reading of them. Exhilarating thought, isn't it? I think so. SO. If you need me, I'll be in the library.

Trust

My little brother is serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints right now and he sends e-mails every week letting us know what's going on over there. Today I read his letter from earlier this week (I guess I somehow missed reading it before now) and there was a part that jumped out to me (and maybe I just needed to read this now instead of earlier this week based on what's happened). He said, "On page 120 of Preach my Gospel under Humility, there's a line that says: '[When you have faith in Christ] you are confident that you can do whatever the Lord requires of you if you rely on him.' Next to that highlighted line, she wrote 'When I am nervous or worried about something, I realize that I am trusting in myself when I should be trusting in God. That is pride!'"

I'm really good at worrying. I don't like not knowing how things are going to happen and I hate not knowing how people will react. It's how I've always been. I should probably work on that.

Anyways, there is a lot of change happening right now: it's a new year, it's a new semester, I'm working different hours, and taking different courses. I'm saving every penny I own so I can meet payment deadlines for my study abroad program (that's another story entirely), and friends have started coming home from their missions all at once.

Suddenly the people I've missed but have grown used to not seeing are back and I recognize how much we've all grown, and I can see how distinctly our individual experiences shaped us. And suddenly I find myself meeting them again. It often feels like I'm starting over but with the same people. It's weird. Good, but weird.

Well with everything that's been changing I've found myself worrying over anything and everything that's not staying the same/familiar. I've been stressing myself out over things that I have no power to change and honestly wouldn't want to change (because Heavenly Father knows the best way to make things turn out wonderfully). And it all comes back to pride.

Pride is a funny thing. It's debilitating and sneaky and hard to shake. But I believe the way to get rid of pride is through faith. It is through faith in Christ and Heavenly Father that we are able to humble ourselves. It is through faith that, like we read in the hymn Lead Kindly Light, one step becomes enough for us.

Heavenly Father truly does know what He's doing. If He prompts us to do something with our life and we rely on Him we will not fail. And that,my friends, that is faith.

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

-Helaman 5:12

The Magic of Words

This semester I took a creative writing class. When I signed up for it I didn't know exactly what to expect, because the only experience I'd had with a creative writing class was in high school where we watched Twilight Zone and when I wrote villanelles during lunch on the days they were due, and I hated it. But I decided to take a creative writing class.

I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I didn't realize that, deep down, writing is what I want to do, that authorship is the lens through which I want to see the world. I don't need to write anything groundbreaking, but I do need to write. And I want, more than anything, to be able to write well.

Last night I was able to read pieces by some of my classmates and I recognized the power words have over everything. I learned what it looks like to listen to silence, and I found myself in the kitchen dancing through heartache and I realized that that's what I want to be able to accomplish someday. So I'll keep writing and I'll let you know what happens. Hopefully I'll be figuring it out right along with you.

Some Happy Thoughts

Sometimes I wish people could hear my thoughts because sometimes they're pretty cool or beautiful. And then I remember that I have a blog and that that's what writing is for and I change my mind. And then I'm really glad that the only person who knew about that thought was me. But now all you guys know it, too, so welcome to my brain.

I feel like I forget about this blog pretty often, actually. . .especially because I'm in a creative writing class this semester. All of the little things I notice throughout the day get jotted down on my phone and forgotten about until I have a writing assignment due at midnight. That's kind of how this semester has gone.

I did get accepted to the study abroad program and I'll be going to LONDON! I couldn't be more excited about it. It was kind of a crazy road getting to this point of passports and airfare, but I definitely know that this is what Heavenly Father wants for me right now. And I'm certainly not complaining. Spring can't come quickly enough.

My little brother, Riley, left for an LDS mission last week. I didn't expect to miss talking to him all the time, but I do. His letter home made me okay with it, though. I love that he is able to go and show other people the immense happiness this gospel brings, and I'm excited to hear his stories. He's a good kid and he's going to love it out there.

Sometimes I stop in the middle of my day and realize just how blessed I am. Actually, that happens a lot. Heavenly Father is so good to me and I am so grateful that He knows what's going on and what will bless me the most.

I have realized lately that I have the best job. I get to work with amazing people every day, I get to be proactive and manage myself more often than not, and the people there are the best (I said it twice because it's true)!

I got sick a week ago and completely lost my voice. I have sounded like a dying penguin for the duration of that time and it has been sadly funny. It's been great going to work every day and having my coworkers remark on the minute improvements in my voice. And I sound a lot better now. It's almost back to normal (until I sing. Then I sound like I'm trying to yodel. Which isn't the worst thing in the world. . .) and my coworkers seem just as excited as I am about it.

One coworker in particular has checked in with me every day at the beginning of my shift saying, "Cambry! Say words!" and determining how sad I sound that day. I love that I'm loved.

So basically, life is the BEST! And Heavenly Father is the BEST! And I am so grateful that I have such amazing people, in my life. I honestly can't think of anything I would change except for more Oreos. The world can always use more Oreos.

Active Dreaming

Dreams are the easiest part of living. It's addictingly easy to think of all the things you want to do, the places you want to see, the people you want to be with. . . It's easy to sit on the couch by the window, book in hand, and imagine what it would be like if your dreams were reality. There is very little risk involved in dreaming.

Much harder is actually taking the steps to making those dreams come true.

I'm at a point in my life where I can take several directions with my major, my schooling, and pretty much everything else. And I need to start making decisions because the deadlines will pass me by if I don't.

So I applied to a study abroad program. It was one of the most exhilarating and terrifying experiences of my life. On the one hand, London and Paris have been my dreams since I realized that there was a world that existed outside my backyard and the thought that those dreams becoming reality gives me a feeling of excitement unmatched. On the other, there's the sad prospect that those long-held dreams won't be realized.

But I decided that the potential of me making my dreams come true was a lot more appetizing than the fear that I wouldn't make it. As soon as I clicked on the button to submit my application I realized how empowered I was in that moment. I had chosen to take my dreams off the shelf of my bucket list and present them to the world. As the dust shifted off of their forms they became tangible and real.

When I made that decision to take control of what dreams come to fruition other dreams came to the front stage of my mind, reminding me that I was in control of them too. Of course I can't control everything that happens in my life (things happen and we have to adapt), but I can control what dreams I want to pursue and when. It's the most wonderful thing. I highly recommend it.

The BEST Pumpkin Bars

I had several people ask me for this pumpkin bar recipe so here ya go:

Ingredients:
1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
1 large can pumpkin puree
6 eggs
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. ginger
4 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 cup chocolate chips

Bake at 350˚ for 15-20 minutes. This makes two jelly-roll pans full.

Enjoy!

-Cambry