Night-time Thoughts

I used to think I knew who I was. And, in a lot of ways, I did. But there were some things that I was still trying to figure out a year ago (and I'm sure I'll look back in a year and say the same thing about me now). They weren't major things, they were little--like what kind of music I liked to listen to--but they were still things I wasn't rigid about.

For example. . .

A guy I liked loved Ingrid Michaelson and Jack Johnson. Therefore, I did too. I realized after I got over him that I only like a few of the songs these artists. And I guess it was just a bunch of  little things I was still trying to figure out, but they were plentiful and therefore shaping who I was becoming. I realized I was changing for this guy even though it was nothing serious (as in with him. There really wasn't anything there). I was creating the girl I thought he wanted.

Don't do that. You only need to change yourself for one person, and that's your Heavenly Father. And even then, He made you with your talents and personality for a reason. What He really wants you to change is your heart so you can return to Him. Your personality and talents are for you to use and perfect. The person that is uniquely you has a place in this world.

It's okay to stand out.

I realized today that I was in the mindset that being in a relationship is about change. In some ways, I was right, but I wasn't seeing the whole picture. I was going off of past experience where I presented Cambry, but the Cambry that was slightly modified to the interests of the guy I was interested in. This wasn't a horrible thing to be doing, but it wasn't the best thing to be doing either.

(This is going to sound cheesy, I know, but I'm trying to make a point so bear with me)

Then I met Britton. I found myself rediscovering quirks long-buried. I remembered my intense love for books and classical music. I was comfortable having weird moments and desires to put on puppet shows for nobody but myself. I was okay showing my faults, but I was also okay being strong as well. I was quirky, I was sincere, I was vulnerable, I was strong, I was me. All of me.

There is someone (perhaps more than one someone) out there who will let you be completely yourself. Find that person. Don't settle for the one you have to change for. It's not worth it. You will be so much happier if you find that person who brings out YOU the way your Heavenly Father created you. He or she is out there. Just be patient. Discover who you are and who you want to be, and then become that person. And then find someone who loves you (all of you) as that person you are.