Honestly, my period of doubt was a confusing time for me. Nothing felt right. And I now know why. I was choosing to avoid the answer I'd received (and accepted).
But tonight I came out of that rut. I was reading Brittney's blog and she had posted a story (copied from another blog from another blog) about missionary work. I read it and was touched. But I moved on. And then I felt prompted to go back and read it again. And the second (and third and fourth) time(s) I read it I was bawling. The Spirit flooded the room and I was given a second witness. I am supposed to serve.
Read this. Please.
"The following event took place in a ward in Salt Lake City in 1974. It occurred during a sacrament meeting and was told to me by a Regional Representative of the Twelve who was in the meeting. A young man, just before leaving on his mission stood in sacrament meeting and bore in essence the following testimony:
Brothers and Sisters, as you know, the past two weeks I've been waiting for my mission call. During the time I was waiting I had a dream. I knew it was not an ordinary dream. I dreamed I was in the pre-existence and awaiting my call to come to earth. I was filled with the same anticipation and excitement that I had before I received my mission call. In my dream I was talking to a friend, and I felt a special closeness to him, even though I've never met him in this life. As we talked a messenger came and gave me a letter. I knew it was my call to go to earth. In great excitement my friend and I opened the letter. I gave it to him and asked him to read it aloud. It said: "You've been called to earth in a special time and to a special land. You will be born to the true church and you will have the priesthood of God in your home. You will born into a land of plenty, in a land of freedom. You will go to earth in the United States of America."
My friend and I rejoiced as we read my call, and while we were rejoicing the messenger returned. This time he had a letter for my friend. We knew it was his call to earth. My friend gave me the letter to read aloud. His letter said: "You've been called to go to the earth in circumstances of poverty and strife. You will not be raised in the true church. Many hardships will attend your life. Your land will be fraught with political and social difficulties - which will hinder the work of the Lord. You will be born in Costa Rica."
We wept, my friend and I, as we read his call. And my friend looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said, "When we are down on earth, you in your choice land and me in Costa Rica, my friend, please come and find me."
The this young missionary, with tears in his eyes, said, "Brothers and Sisters, I have received my mission call. I am going to Costa Rica."
There is a sequel to the story. About a year after the sacrament meeting, the bishop received a letter from the missionary in Costa Rica. The letter had one sheet of paper in it and on that sheet written in capital letters were four words:
source: http://www.comportone.com/cpo/religion/christian/motivate/testmony.htm
This time, my conviction is much stronger. And this time, I realize that I'm going on a mission not for me, but for my friends. They need to experience the joy this gospel brings. I have no idea where I will serve or who I will find there, but I do know that I love those people already. And I am more than willing to give up eighteen months of my life for my friends. This is what I'm supposed to do. And I'm going to do it, no questions asked, no more glances back. I'm ready.
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